Four More Weeks Until Summer

It's been about a year since I've updated, and in that year I've started working in the school system in a clerical capacity. It's been a long school year and I'm ready for summer already. To be honest I'm pretty burned out, even though I'm not in the classroom full time. Kids are absolutely brutal. I've been called a "one star sub" because I wanted them to do their work instead of playing games, I've been told I suck by a kid who felt he could do whatever he wanted to, mocked by an entire class, and then called ugly all this week alone. It makes me reconsider wanting to work with kids if this is how terrible they are. 

I've been offered my own first grade classroom, though I'm not sure if I'll take it. I'm still not one hundred percent on classroom anything so why they'd feel I was up to taking on my own classroom is beyond me. I'm currently enrolled in classes in my local college's educator preparation institute to prepare me for the classroom should I go that direction. I'm qualified now to teach english in grades 6 to 12, though elementary is where I have my year of experience thus far. 

My coworker has encouraged me to take on an inclusion role, so I'll be in and out of the classroom and get to see many different classroom management styles. The only problem there is there hasn't been an inclusion role come up, just VE jobs aplenty in my district, and I know for a fact I'm not ready to take on a full on VE classroom on my own. I have enough problems with one of them that I'm already in on occasion as a sub. 

So far I've liked kindergarten the most. They are tiny and cute and still in that stage where they are eager to please the grown ups that are around. They are dead honest, don't get me wrong, but I've never had an issue with a kindergartener telling me that I suck because I'm not letting them do what they want. They are so much easier to redirect into a different activity. 

Right now? I'm just tired. It's been a long school year and I'm ready for that lovely two month break. 

So I've Graduated

I've finally graduated! I'm not sure how to feel about it; I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm accustomed to having things to do all of the time, and now I don't. I've been keeping myself busy with crocheting, which I'll be doing until August when I start working part time. Then I'll work part time and crochet when I'm not working.  I really can't wait. I'll be working in a school as a reading coach, which is what I've dreamed of from the start of this journey. I'll also be working to save to get my master's degree as a reading coach; I want to do that with zero student loans if I possibly can. I've made it this far with no debt, and I'd like to keep it that way. 

I've been getting serious about the savings apps again, trying to save a little dough. Ibotta has come in clutch when it comes to saving money (referral code cwsobgg; when you sign up and submit your first receipt we BOTH get money). I've also been doing survey sites; SurveyJunkie actually pays out decently, and I've recently discovered Rakuten Insight. So far nothing from that but I've only been on it for a day. If anyone has any other recommendations to make a little change on the side I would not be against learning about them. I have sold some of my crochet works, though that is few and far between. 

Joey and I have been watching a lot of anime lately. He's asked for The Big O the most, which tickles me since it was my favorite when I was in my early 20s. He also likes Gundam Wing. 

And that is the life update for me for now. There is more to share but those are the basics! I graduated and got a job on lock. Maybe now I can start to focus back on some of my other hobbies, like my skincare. 

Spring 2022 Semester Almost Over

Spring semester is almost over, and this is my first time taking four classes and I’m overwhelmed. Today I turned in a term paper I’m not fully happy with. I’m so inundated with things to do that at this point I’m just trying to get them done and get them turned in. I knew as a lit major that I’d be doing a lot of reading. I knew what I was getting into. Last semester when I took a creative writing class I got a little complacent because my work load was lighter. This time has been hard. I’ve read every Jane Austen book this semester, loads of graduate level cultural studies essays. The Jewish history and Bible lit classes were better and much more enjoyable because of their structure. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy all of the classes immensely, but the structure of the courses in the Judaic Studies dept was more pleasing to me. Cultural Studies offered some amazing readings that I’m glad I was exposed to. It opened my mind to different forms of analysis. Jane Austen Studies has reignited my love for Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility and made me discover that Persuasion isn’t as bad as it was on the initial read. I will forever have a love/hate relationship with Mansfield Park. Through my term paper I learned that there is a market for Jane Austen erotica and the market is huge. 

I’ve got three more semesters because I added on another minor, all of them are jam packed with full time courses. The bulk of them are Judaic Studies and I am not mad about that. I recently learned that I have Jewish roots and this is my way of trying to get in touch with that side of my family history. 

The depression is still bad, but it is managed only because I have so much on my plate that I cannot let myself fall into a hole otherwise I’ll fall behind. I’m already borderline behind as it is, hanging on by a thread, I cannot afford to fall off now. After well over a year on Lexapro and it not working as I hoped I’m going to try something new. A friend of mine is on Prozac and recommended that so I’m going to talk to my doctor about it and see what she says. Hopefully it will not interact with my new migraine meds. I’m on Topamax now, only because the price on Ubrelvy was insane. $1800 without insurance for a month. That is absolute madness. The worst part is I did get some samples from my doctor and they worked so well on my migraines compared to my usual old school medicine. I have only taken abortive meds that stop your migraines as you get them. Topamax is a preventative. I won’t know how well it works until I either get no migraines or my migraines are reduced. I can say after my first does that I feel like I have a bit of a hangover this morning. I’m groggier than normal and feel a bit slower. I also couldn’t finish my oatmeal this morning, which is a rarity. I don’t even really want my coffee. It feels like blasphemy; coffee is life. 

Now I’m just using this as a distraction. Kids, research your classes before you take them. Don’t overwhelm yourself with reading and say “oh, I can handle it!” It will be hard. Have time to yourself for things you enjoy where you don’t think about school. Play video games. Stardew Valley has been a blessing for me to escape. Make friends with your classmates. Get organized, if you can. Whatever you can to make that life easier. 

Graduate school is so close I can taste it. 

Weight Loss: Take 13578.1 - Adipex and Noom

HELLP syndrome completely ravaged my body. I have been lucky; I have not had near the problems that some other survivors have had appear in the years postpartum, or even while HELLP syndrome was rearing its ugly head. My liver and kidneys nearly failed, but within a week they were working again and I was sent home. No seizures. No heart issues. No ICU stay. I was damn lucky. 

One area that I am still having issues is with weight and cholesterol. I already knew that after HELLP that my chances of having heart disease or stroke go up. Your chances of heart disease and stroke double, and chances of high blood pressure quadruple. As I have a family history of cardiac issues my chances of heart disease or stroke are even higher. 

In an attempt to save me from such a fate I've been monitored closely by my doctor and have been actively trying to lose weight. Luckily, my heart looks great. I had an EKG yesterday and the doctor was pleased. It's my cholesterol that has gotten out of control. Given that I live primarily vegetarian, with chicken being my only real animal based protein, my doctor was worried that my LDL cholesterol has raised by 10 over the course of a year. Since weight has an effect it was decided that I needed to lose weight. 

That is no secret to me. 

Every time I go into the doctor I'm diagnosed as fat. It's absolutely nothing new. I would go in for unrelated problems and the outcome was "you need to lose weight", as if I didn't already know that I was fat as I put on my size 14 jeans that morning to go to the appointment. 

The largest problem I've had is that I cannot get the weight off, no matter what I did. The only time I was every successfully skinny and small was the early 2000s. I was in my early 20s, working full time, getting kids from one activity to another, college later on in 2008. I rarely sat down or stopped moving. I also abused ephedrine before it was taken off the market, I smoked like a chimney, and drank coffee like it was going out of style. I was not healthy, even if I was a US size 2. 

Things have changed a lot for me in 2021, and life experiences have made me a much different person. I started experiencing anxiety in 2012. Broke my ankle and had to have surgery in 2013. Anxiety increased in 2014 and led to agoraphobia. My dad passed away from cancer and I stopped smoking in 2016. 2017 I had a baby and nearly died from HELLP syndrome. That was my turning point for defeating anxiety, but all of those things compounded and the weight I'd gained was not budging, no matter how hard I tried. 

My pregnancy weight at 36 weeks, when Joey was born, was 170 pounds. And that's just about where I've been since then, give or take 5 pounds. 

If you've read this blog journal thingie for any length of time you'll know I've tried going vegan, I've tried going dairy free (which stuck, as I'm lactose intolerant), I've tried Atkins. I've even slipped and ended up doing some of the nasty habits that I had when I was in the deepest of my eating disorder when I was in my early 20s. Nothing worked. 

I finally got completely and utterly frustrated and went to my doctor and cried for help. I was prepared to take a medication for my high cholesterol. The nurse who gave me my results for my blood work said that would be a possibility and I'd accepted that I may be on a statin for the rest of my life. Statins are HMG-CoA reductase inhibitors. It blocks the creation of cholesterol and can help lower your overall cholesterol. My HDL (the good stuff) is good, so it may be the case that my body just makes too much. My doctor warned me that it could be genetic, it could be related to the HELLP syndrome, there are loads of possibilities. 

While I was prepared for a statin, I was not prepared for a weight loss drug. I'd entertained talking to my doctor about it, but I wanted to try again one more time by myself. I was surprised that I was given Adipex-P. It's a stimulant appetite suppressor. I'd already seen what Phentermine could do.  I saw a post a couple of months ago from Xiaxue on Instagram and she'd used it and looked amazing. Of course as I've got a larger stature so I do not expect to get down as tiny as she did, I would just like to get where I was right after high school, around 120 to 130 pounds. My body looked good when I was around that weight. I looked healthy. I saw a review on GoodRX and the man said he lost around 25lbs in a month and a half. that's half of what I want to lose! Another woman said it curbed her sugar cravings, which isn't much of an issue for me since I do not really crave sugar. 

  

The picture on the left was in 2005, right after I'd moved back to where I live. I had quit a job as a server where I was on my feet 12 to 14 hours a day plus my usual workout routine. On the right is me in I do believe 2010. I was deep in an eating disorder and around a size 2. 

I wanted to find another recent picture to go with the one above, but I cannot find any similar. That was taken by my sister in law at Joey's fourth birthday party. I look like the bloody penguin. 

 

So today is my first day on Adipex-P and I don't feel bad, but I don't feel like I could take on the world, either. It feels similar to the effects of ephedrine. My heart is beating a bit faster than normal, and I have loads of energy. It's currently 10:41AM as I write this and generally by now I'd be having a midmorning snack after eating breakfast at 7:30. I'm not hungry. At all. My mind is telling me to eat because it is our routine, but I don't feel the actual hunger like I usually would. I'm slightly jittery like I'd be after several cups of coffee, something else I skipped this morning. The only side effect I'm feeling so far is thirst. This was on the list of possible side effects so I knew to expect it and I'm combatting it with more water than I'd ordinarily drink. 

In addition to Adipex I'm trying Noom. So far I like it. I've seen people complain about how little calories that one is given (around 1200 seems to be the base for everyone), but as you move and it calculates your movement and exercise they add a half a calorie back for every one that you burn. Yesterday my allotment was around 1500 calories. That's not much different from what I eat usually anyway. My regular diet fits well into their stoplight system of red for foods to avoid, yellow for eat sparingly, and green for the good things like veggies, fruits and whole grains. I still eat some of the red foods, I'm not going to lie. For me, Noom is helping to keep track of what foods I eat so I can evaluate my overall diet. It's got some great psychological lessons and an extensive collection of recipes. It's also helping me realize how inactive I can be, and it gives me a daily step goal. I find it hard to get that goal in while I'm at home all day doing coursework and raising Joey so I do my best to do an evening walk. I'm at about a mile right now, but I'd like to eventually walk several each evening. It's been 12 days and I've lost 5lbs with Noom, but the scale has stopped going down. My doctor said she did Noom too and really liked it, so we shall see how the next seven months go. I paid for a seven month period and I'm sticking to it. 

I get to go back in four weeks to see if I've lost any weight and to check its effects on my heart. She said the most she would put me on this is three months, and if I can't lose enough weight to get my cholesterol in check in three months I don't know what I'd do. I'm not super big, but I'm also not small. I'm at an awkward in between and it sucks. I just want to feel good about my body again. I worry about slipping back into old habits (excessive calorie counting and overexercising while under eating, etc). I worry that the medicine may react with my Lexapro that I take for anxiety and land me in the hospital with serotonin syndrome (when your body has an overabundance of serotonin). I worry that it may not work. 

If you've stuck with me, thank you. It's been a hard and long journey and I am not ready to throw in the towel yet. 

Brit Lit and Making Chickens Pay

It's week two of Modern British Literature and so far I adore my professor and the class in general. We have to do research projects and since race and colonialism is one of the subjects in literature that fascinates me, that is the one I chose. We are being divided up into groups of our choosing and so far there are only three of us in that group, and as it looks currently I'm the only white one in the group. I hope to learn some different perspectives from my group members. The Gender and Sexuality group was so popular it looks like the professor had to move some people out of it and close it to new members. I almost chose that one, I just don't find the subject as intriguing as I do this. Last semester I wrote my final paper in Lit Theory about cultural identity and Nadine Gordimer's South Africa and since then I've found the concept super intriguing, particularly from the perspective of a person like Gordimer who was born and raised in South Africa, who was separated from the land of her parents and saw herself as South African, not as British or Lithuanian as her parents were. Seriously, if you get a chance to read her work it's amazingly worth it. 

This week I've got my readings on Imperialism to do, plus some Virginia Woolf and Joseph Conrad readings, plus more to read in The Good Soldier. I have to do some annotations in my Imperialism and race readings, as well as write a mini-report so the other students in the class who are in other groups can get an idea of what we are working on. I'm sure we will have to comment on at least one other person's work. There are four or five people in the class that I know from other classes so I know I will get to read some amazing perspectives and ideas. There are some brilliant people that I have the joy of sharing my UCF experience with. 

Outside of all of the reading I'm doing I am also doing my best to keep my little flock of chickens. I never thought I'd be a chicken lady, but what started as two has ended up ten so here we are. 

That is the strangest of the bunch. Her name is What the Fuck, or What the Fork if Joey is outside with us. She's darling. Well, I think it's a she. I didn't get a good look at her wings in the three or four day window after she hatched so I probably won't know until she's at least three months old. I've taken her as my baby and refuse to sell her like I will the others. 

This was from several days ago. Sadly the third little black chick perished after getting squashed by one of the larger chickens, so as soon as we have more money we will be building what amounts to a little chick nursery so that won't happen again. 

Cleo and Cuquin have been excellent mothers. Maripi won't lay on her eggs so we get at least one egg a day from her that goes directly into the fridge just in the instance that it is fertilized. I doubt it, she's meaner than sin and won't let our rooster Tete near her without trying to peck his eyes out. 

Tete is also quite mean, which I expected for a rooster. The only person who can handle him is the woman we got him from, a friend of ours and experienced chicken lady. Once the others get a little older we will be giving them to her for selling. 

That teeny yellow one in the image may be what's called a frizzle. Their feathers are what is best described as curly. My boyfriend named her Snoop, because she's a frizzle my nizzle. (Yes, he really said that last night when he told me her name). 

Silkies are a load of fun and have more personality than I thought a chicken would have. They are also really easy to care for. Their eggs are tiny (you need two to equal a standard egg) but they are super flavorful. Nothing beats a yard egg. 

We have the remnants of Tropical Storm or whatever it was Elsa dropping loads of rain and yuck on us today. Last night it stayed so chilly that we were able to sleep with the windows open. It's like the Pacific Northwest got our weather while we got theirs. Sleeping with windows open is practically unheard of this far south in the month of June. I'm mainly worried for my garden, particularly my Rosemary that I've babied since I got it at the beginning of the pandemic. It was originally in a pot, and now it's outside and at least three feet tall. I'm thinking of propagating it just in case it does get destroyed during a storm. Thankfully my green thumb has finally decided to appear. I've got a window garden to rival my outdoor garden. Who knew that being a green witch would be my thing? 

On the anxiety front I am doing better going out. I was able to go to Family Dollar and Publix last week without medication, and the week before that I went to Aldi unmedicated. I've learned that I have to go when I want to, and when I feel forced to it's when the anxiety really happens. I wanted to go to those places and push myself, therefore I was able to go without any issue. Agoraphobia is a beast that I'm determined to defeat! I'm trying to surround myself with positivity. I have a 10 Minutes Planner that I use each day to plan my day and record my successes and failures. I'm making sure to make space for mindfulness and reading for pleasure. One day I will have my shit together. 

Spring In the Bag, Summer Underway

While I didn't think I was going to do it, I managed to complete my first semester at UCF with top marks!

Summer semester has kept me so busy that I don't know how I'm still alive. Summer A has been a grammar class. I think it's harder as a native speaker having to learn grammar this late, and relearn a lot to be frank. It's been very intense with multiple deadlines per week. It's a 12/14 week class jammed into six weeks, so the intensity is something I expected going in. The professor is amazing! So far everyone in the UCF English department that I've had the pleasure of working with has been fantastic. 

My Roman Empire class leaves very much to be desired. Unlike the Grammar class, there is only one deadline for everything for this course. To be frank, it's as if someone told me "hey, read this cool book about Rome!". That's it. Read some. Take a quiz. Write this paper. All quiz questions will be recycled on the tests. Most of the things he says will be posted aren't (such as videos to help cement the material) and I'm teaching myself. Thank goodness for youtube and it's many offerings on history. The only reason I'm not as mad as I should be is because it's given me time to focus on my tougher class. 

Summer B starts next week and I will be taking Modern British Literature. For that I know I have two short novels to read and a pretty decent sized textbook. I know I will enjoy that one; I've skimmed over the textbook and read some selections from some of my more favored authors.

The goal for this week is to survive my Grammar final. That's all I want. Hoping for a high C, low B if possible. I highly doubt an A is in the cards at this point. Passing with a C is the goal. 

I've really changed up my studying routine and found things that have helped, so I may post about those eventually. I feel like I've streamlined the process and have found a method that works for me. 

I really miss blogging as much as I used to. 

Semester One: Half Way Mark

This semester has been so eventful. I've done loads of reading, learned to do green screen filming, learned how to make stronger essays, and have decided that I want to take on a minor as well as my English Lit major. I've made a load of friends, so much so that one of my classes feels more like family than just a class. I really hope to keep in touch with them after this is over. 

I've thrived since I've returned. My anxiety isn't near as high as I'm always doing something with my mind or my hands. Who has time for anxiety when you're busy?

My group's second film presentation was today and we had tech difficulties last night. Like bad difficulties. Everyone came together that could and we turned it out. No word on a grade yet but it sounds like the professor loved it and we made a covid safe group presentation that will make the other groups have to raise the bar super high to surpass us. 

As of right now all my marks are still tops, but we are only half way there so who knows how this could go. 

I've been trying to up my skincare game and have tried loads of new things, mainly from YesStyle. They introduced me to the brand Purito and I've enjoyed their cleansers and creams. I've also really enjoyed using Secret Key products. With all of the skincare gods powers combined, I don't look like I spend 99% of my time behind a computer or buried in a book. ( For a discount, and to give me a little commission as a broke college student, use code PETITEFEET79. ) Fenty foundation takes care of the rest. Believe the hype, Rih-Rih did not play when she made this line. The powder foundation is full coverage and worth every single penny, and that's the T. 

I feel optimistic for the first time in quite a while. I don't feel like I'm stuck in a rut anymore. I really like what I'm doing and have a solid plan for what I want to do in the future. Well, at least I know I want to take the Chaucer class this summer to satisfy my single author focus class. 

I'd forgotten what it's like to live primarily on tofu and Red Bull. 

On the agoraphobia/anxiety front, I've done much better. I've been going to the store periodically, with and without medicine. Walmart still gives me problems and I had a minor panic attack there earlier this week, but I think it's because I was there without my own choice. I usually keep a set schedule or a set itinerary when I leave the house. I'm a control freak and have no doubt that the lack of control is a trigger for my anxiety. Anyway, I made it through and did my shopping without any other problem. That was the only problem I've had this week, and it was with my meds in my system. How or why it happened, it doesn't matter. All that matters is I made it through!

Fingers crossed that the rest of the semester goes just as well. 

Thanks for reading!

It's 2021!

It seems that we managed to survive 2020!

It was definitely a year unlike any other I've experienced. 

While it didn't effect me as hard as it did others, I'm grateful for what I did learn over the course of the year. 

Starting in early March of last year we started a garden. Sadly the only thing it really produced was a very small harvest of black beans and more jalapeño peppers than I knew what to do with. Either way, it was an excellent learning experience for me and my family. We definitely learned to plant earlier and to follow the guidelines on packets of seeds. I also learned to plant cat nip in a pallet if you have cats because they will destroy your cat nip by rolling in it like a goober. If it's in the pallet the cat can't reach the bottom of the plant and destroy it. 

I also expanded my bread making skill by learning to make enriched yeast buns and flour tortillas. Tortillas were a hit, the buns weren't. I need to figure out the proper recipe for the buns so I can make them actually taste right. 

To wrap up this cottagecore/homestead thing I've got going on I also got some chickens. A friend of mine breeds silky chickens and gave two of them to Joey since he loved their chickens so much. Long story short he's lost interest, as I expected him to do, and I've now become a chicken lady that Googles chicken enrichment activities. 

I've also enrolled in uni! Starting next week I'll be attending UCF online worsting toward my BA in English Literature. What will I do with this degree? I've no idea. I just felt the need for forward movement, something I haven't really felt since 2014 when I fell ill. 

That is my 2020 in a nutshell. Lots of dirt and soil under my nails, chickens cuddled (yes - I cuddle my chicks), and uni preparations. 

Let's tackle 2021! 

Day 21 Check In

I probably should have started checking in here when I started my Atkins journey, but I wasn't the most confident and I was ready to quit by day seven. 

But here we are at day 21 and I've lost a total of 7.6 pounds lost. I haven't done my measurements lately since I am only doing them once a month, but in the first two weeks I did lose two inches off of my waist. 

I'm sure I could have lost more if I'd stayed on phase one longer than I did, but my body just couldn't handle it. The lack of carbs was flat making me ill. I will be staying on phase two with 25 carb limit for now to see if I can keep losing that way before I up the limit up five more carbs per week until I start to maintain. 

So far my favorite thing has been that I can still eat my eggs and spinach in the morning since that's totally Atkins approved. I do miss sweets sometimes, but not often. I made my son a bowl of cranberry and flax oatmeal this morning and tasted it and it was disgustingly sweet. I'm sure it won't take long for me to not really like sugar at all. I still crave salty snacks like you wouldn't believe but that can be curbed with a handful of almonds or dry roast peanuts with sea salt. Doesn't taste near as good as a Goldfish cracker or a Cheez-It.

I have been slacking on water recently so I need to step my game back up on that. I always aim for nearly a gallon a day. For reference that's three of the big Fiji waters, the liters, plus a little more. It sounds like a lot of water until you break it down into smaller terms. 

I'm doing a lot of exercising when I can. The past few days Ive slacked because my knees sound like Rice Crispies cereal when I stand up. I twisted one of them on Friday and it's been a little sketchy since. Getting old sucks!

Now that the sugar angries have settled down I'm really enjoying eating the way I have. I'm rarely hungry, and if I am I can solve it with a quick protein shake or bar. I don't have crazy cravings for everything junk that exists in this world. My self control has gotten loads better. On Father's Day there was cheesecake and ice cream cake at the gathering I attended and I didn't eat it. I didn't eat anything but a little bit of shredded chicken with some crema on it to get in my proteins and fats. It was also spicy af and I nearly didn't make it through the whole bowl. 

I'm really tempted to start making youtube videos about  my journey, I'm just not that comfortable exposing myself that much on camera. I still hate my body. Yes, I'm down to 162lbs but I am still flabby and hate it. I don't have the courage to show that to the world. 

Atkins Attempt #4

As the title suggests, this is the fourth time I've attempted the Atkins Diet. For once I am seeing progress! 

I've struggled with my weight for years. For the better part of my twenties I dealt with an eating disorder. I was down to 112lbs (50kg) and a US size 2 pants. And I loved it. I could wear all of the cute clothes that I was too big for in high school, and I felt really good about myself. 

Then I broke my ankle. Sometimes I think that is directly due to the fact that I was extremely malnourished. My bone shattered like a lightbulb and had to be surgically reconstructed. It was baaaaaad. My boyfriend swears it's because I stepped into an 18 inch (45cm) deep hole while walking full speed ahead. It was definitely a combo of both. 

Checking In

2020 has been a crazy year so far, hasn't it! 

With everything that's going on I wanted to take time to check in with whoever still actually reads this. 

Are you ok mentally?

Did you remember to take your meds today? Brush your teeth or shower? 

It's ok to not be ok. 

I suffer from depression and hardcore anxiety and I'm a recovering agoraphobic. It is totally ok to not be ok. Just remember to take care of yourself, even if it's the smallest acts of self care. 

If you need a friendly ear you can always leave a comment here or find me through one of my other social media platforms. We are all in this together!

Don't Mind the Dust!

Please don't mind the dust going on around here, I'm trying to do a bit of a new theme to go with the new name change!

After years of being petitefeet pretty much everywhere it just felt like it was time for a change. I didn't feel like it was fitting anymore, thus Vonnie with a V. Not Bonnie with a B!

I've been in the process of working on it through this quarantine period thanks to my bff. She's going through nursing school and did a leadership program and I was a part of it. The main objective was to make a goal and stick to it, complete with timeline.

Mine was to brush this place off and hopefully get back into blogging more now that I have my depression and anxiety under control - and have a new computer!

It's going to take some time. If you're still here, thanks for your support. If you're new, hi!



All of my social media has been changed as well, and you can find me on both Twitter and Instagram under the handle itsvonniewithav.

Stay safe, everyone! 

[Review] Maple Holistics Silk18 Shampoo + Hair Care Tips

Since I had my son my entire body has gone haywire. I've had to try loads of new things to adjust to my post-baby body. One of the stranger things that happened is my hair has changed texture. Before I had him I could have beautiful Cher hair just using simple products and a quick blow dry.

It was absolutely glorious! It was also something I took completely for granted, thinking that my hair would be like that forever and always.

Now my hair has taken on a bit of a kinkier texture. It doesn't help that Joey likes to use my hair as a rope, an act that typically ends in a lot of breakage and more frizz. To say my hair is damaged would be an understatement.

I've tried several products to try and reverse some of the damage, but I do believe I'm stuck with it until I cut it off!

For now, I'm just trying to make my hair it look better than it really is!

Maple Holistics' Silk18 shampoo, which they've been so kind as to let me sample for review, has been a massive help.

[Review] SNP Otter and Dragon Masks

Masking is one of my favorite things in the world, I just don't get to do it much these days with Joey. I try to wait until he is sleeping to mask. It is my me time.

0.8L has come through again with masks that make my skin sing. This time I got to try some masks from SNP, a Korean cosmetics company. They have an entire line of beauty and skincare items, but I was only aware of their various masks.

I got the opportunity to try the Otter and the Dragon.

They are both fantastically soothing. Dragon is made for soothing and Otter for moisture though I do find that even Otter does a great job soothing any sort of irritation.