I've struggled with my weight for years. For the better part of my twenties I dealt with an eating disorder. I was down to 112lbs (50kg) and a US size 2 pants. And I loved it. I could wear all of the cute clothes that I was too big for in high school, and I felt really good about myself.
Then I broke my ankle. Sometimes I think that is directly due to the fact that I was extremely malnourished. My bone shattered like a lightbulb and had to be surgically reconstructed. It was baaaaaad. My boyfriend swears it's because I stepped into an 18 inch (45cm) deep hole while walking full speed ahead. It was definitely a combo of both.
After that I gained a ton of weight. I was eating whatever was brought to me, mostly junk food, and I was trapped in a wheelchair for several months. It wasn't too bad. I was back to a healthy weight for my height, though apparently I wasn't thin enough for the guy that owned the shop I worked in and I was all but pushed out of the place after I admitted that I needed to step away from management to get my own shit together. Whatever.
From there things went from bad to worse. I was stressed out from getting kids from one place to another (two different schools, three different sports, after school activities, etc), from going to school myself, running a household, and looking for a new job. I all but had a mental breakdown in the parking lot of a McDonald's on the day of my Medical Terminology midterm exam. (Spoiler alert: I dropped out.)
Bring on the depression and anxiety!
That was in 2014.
I maintained my weight fairly decently until 2016 when I quit smoking. I can totally understand weight gain during this time. I was using cigarettes as an appetite suppressant. I'd sit there and smoke a cigarette while I was writing or doing art. I'd smoke with my coffee in the morning. No need for breakfast, right? Without that crutch to lean on I was a bit lost and ate. A lot.
December of 2016 I got pregnant and said "fuck it" and ate whatever I wanted. I was eating for two, right?
Psh, never let ANYONE tell you that shit, because I can almost guarantee you from experience that the weight you gain will be hell to get off again.
I gained 30lbs (about 14kg) during my pregnancy. Most of it was fluid since I had preeclampsia and hellp syndrome. I did lose that weight almost overnight since it was fluid.
The thing is it came back.
In spades.
Well, not really in spades. I gained back that 30lbs over the course of nearly three years. (I can't believe my baby will be three in August!!) A combination of terrible eating habits, never sleeping, and depression (it crops up everywhere) really did me in.
I decided to try Atkins after my gyno recommended it. He is a bit of a devotee of Atkin's and the keto diet and urged me to look into it before my health tanked any more than it already had. The antidepressant I've been on is notorious for causing weight gain. That combined with my habits almost set me up for failure, in my opinion. That, and bread is really damn good.
Each time I've tried I've stayed on for about a week at most. Then I got sick of it.
For the unfamiliar, Atkin's has several different plans to try, and each plan has several phases. I need to lose a lot of weight (in my opinion) so I chose Atkins 20. The first two weeks (the induction) is essentially straight up keto. You eat around 20 grams of carbs per day, with the better part of them derived from veggies and then the rest is allocated to things like condiments and such.
If it sounds hard, it's because it is.
Just one brioche bun, one of my absolute favorite things in the world, is 44g of carbs. ONE FREAKING BUN.
You have to have some serious willpower and commitment, just like with any diet plan. I'm currently on phase two and it's still a bit hard with a limit of 27 grams of carbs a day. When you get into your groove of what you can have it isn't as bad, it's just getting to that point.
So this is what my day of food looks like:
Breakfast:
- Two eggs, two tbsp of onions, two cups of spinach/arugula mix fried up in two tbsp EVOO
Lunch:
- Tuna with some sort of salad and pickles, two tbsp ranch or caesar and a bunch of cheese
OR
- Muscle Milk strawberries and cream shake
- Elevation bar (Aldi's brand of Atkins bars)
Lunch has always been a struggle for me, so the fact that I'd rather substitute isn't surprising. I've never been a three meals a day type.
Dinner varies from day to day. Its theonly meal of the day the whole family eats together so I just modify what they are having for myself. Last night I made a killer low carb meatloaf, the recipe of which I'll share once I get it totally right - I added WAY too much cheese, and if I'm saying that you know there's a problem.
For a few days there at the end of phase one I felt like utter hell so I took advantage of the community Atkins has set up for people who are following the diet and got some great advice and the confidence to keep going. They also have tons of tools to help you along the way.
In the beginning I did get the Atkins products to try for snacks. I tried their Cafe Caramel shake and the Protein Wafer Crisp snack bar. I'm not sure if it's because I wasn't meeting my protein and calorie goals as per my phase, but they made me feel unwell. I think it's the sugar alternatives they contained since I am sensitive to some of the substitutes. Because I still needed help getting the protein I needed (meat isn't my favorite thing in the world) I purchased the Muscle Milk shakes. For my sweet tooth I chose Aldi's Elevation bars for the carb conscious. I got the peanut butter fudge crisp and it's out of this world good. Doesn't taste like something for someone watching their carbs!
I haven't been exercising much, mainly because I had zero energy for days. I was pretty cranky and just didn't want to be bothered. Now that I'm feeling better I've been doing little body strength exercises throughout the day, lots of dancing with Joey and his Wiggles or Cocomelon. There's a great couple that I follow on instagram called Mr. and Mrs. Muscle, and before I started this dieting I enjoyed their modified workouts immensely. Thats also on my list of things to get back to now that I've actually got some energy. Even the modified workouts will kick your butt! I have a load of other insta workouts I follow and they've helped me get my butt off the couch. Yoga with Adrienne has been a lifesaver during this quarantine.
The hardest part for me has definitely been keeping the calorie and protein count. With each phase you're supposed to make sure you get at least 1500 cals and a minimum of 66 grams of protein. I find that pretty hard! I am accustomed to no more than 1200 cals a day, so to have to eat more really troubles me. What bothers me even more is I do seem to be losing fat. That doesn't compute in my mind even though I get how it works - your body uses fat for energy instead of carbs because you're not feeding yourself with carbs.
If you're curious about this diet, the Atkins website is a goldmine of information. I'm really learning more and more as I work through the diet phases, much more than I knew when I went in.
As the weight loss process goes on I'll be sure to keep updates here, though if you want to see more it's easier to see my journey on Instagram or on Twitter.
If anyone reading this has done Atkins, or even keto, talk to me! I need friends who are doing this too so I don't feel so alone!
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