Over My Head

It's a bitch to grow up. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again, with the worst thing to worry about being where I'm going to sit at lunch when I'm at school, or if I'm going to be able to catch my favorite program on tv at night.

I feel like I'm in over my head.

About three weeks after I graduated my father was arrested. The charges are so severe that they set his bail in the ballpark of five million dollars. I have come to terms that I'm never going to see my father in anything other than prison orange and shackles as long as he lives. I'm not one hundred percent okay with that, he's my father after all, but he's broken the law and has to live up to it.

Now I'm left wondering how my mother and I are going to handle our finances.

I'm still paying off medical bills from my lovely trip to the hospital at the beginning of the year, plus a high bill from some dental surgery that I had.

To add insult to injury, my beautiful Yetta, the car that I've had since I was sixteen years old, is starting to bite the dust. She's fourteen years old and had a long and lovely life, though it doesn't damper the feeling of potentially being without a car in the midst of one of the worst summers Florida has experienced in years.

I'm not sure what to do. I've been working my ass off, selling books online, doing things like Amazon mechanical turk, yet nothing ever seems to change. Sure, I've got a college degree. Unfortunately, no one is hiring in my field within my area of travel with a crappy car.

It really makes me wonder how so many people out there can have no job, live off of the government, and be in debt to their ears, yet be completely happy. I'm not saying I want to be unemployed and living off of the government, that's not something I'd ever want to have to experience, I just want to know how they can be in so much financial crisis and still act like their lives are the greatest.

I know money isn't everything. It's something that's nice to have, but it's not everything.

I should be thankful that I'm healthy, that I've got a job, a roof over my head, and an amazing family.

I wish I had a way to control the stress and anxiety, the fear that I'm not going to be able to handle what life has handed me.

This post really has no point. I needed to get all of this off of my chest.