Weight Loss: Take 13578.1 - Adipex and Noom

HELLP syndrome completely ravaged my body. I have been lucky; I have not had near the problems that some other survivors have had appear in the years postpartum, or even while HELLP syndrome was rearing its ugly head. My liver and kidneys nearly failed, but within a week they were working again and I was sent home. No seizures. No heart issues. No ICU stay. I was damn lucky. 

One area that I am still having issues is with weight and cholesterol. I already knew that after HELLP that my chances of having heart disease or stroke go up. Your chances of heart disease and stroke double, and chances of high blood pressure quadruple. As I have a family history of cardiac issues my chances of heart disease or stroke are even higher. 

In an attempt to save me from such a fate I've been monitored closely by my doctor and have been actively trying to lose weight. Luckily, my heart looks great. I had an EKG yesterday and the doctor was pleased. It's my cholesterol that has gotten out of control. Given that I live primarily vegetarian, with chicken being my only real animal based protein, my doctor was worried that my LDL cholesterol has raised by 10 over the course of a year. Since weight has an effect it was decided that I needed to lose weight. 

That is no secret to me. 

Every time I go into the doctor I'm diagnosed as fat. It's absolutely nothing new. I would go in for unrelated problems and the outcome was "you need to lose weight", as if I didn't already know that I was fat as I put on my size 14 jeans that morning to go to the appointment. 

The largest problem I've had is that I cannot get the weight off, no matter what I did. The only time I was every successfully skinny and small was the early 2000s. I was in my early 20s, working full time, getting kids from one activity to another, college later on in 2008. I rarely sat down or stopped moving. I also abused ephedrine before it was taken off the market, I smoked like a chimney, and drank coffee like it was going out of style. I was not healthy, even if I was a US size 2. 

Things have changed a lot for me in 2021, and life experiences have made me a much different person. I started experiencing anxiety in 2012. Broke my ankle and had to have surgery in 2013. Anxiety increased in 2014 and led to agoraphobia. My dad passed away from cancer and I stopped smoking in 2016. 2017 I had a baby and nearly died from HELLP syndrome. That was my turning point for defeating anxiety, but all of those things compounded and the weight I'd gained was not budging, no matter how hard I tried. 

My pregnancy weight at 36 weeks, when Joey was born, was 170 pounds. And that's just about where I've been since then, give or take 5 pounds. 

If you've read this blog journal thingie for any length of time you'll know I've tried going vegan, I've tried going dairy free (which stuck, as I'm lactose intolerant), I've tried Atkins. I've even slipped and ended up doing some of the nasty habits that I had when I was in the deepest of my eating disorder when I was in my early 20s. Nothing worked. 

I finally got completely and utterly frustrated and went to my doctor and cried for help. I was prepared to take a medication for my high cholesterol. The nurse who gave me my results for my blood work said that would be a possibility and I'd accepted that I may be on a statin for the rest of my life. Statins are HMG-CoA reductase inhibitors. It blocks the creation of cholesterol and can help lower your overall cholesterol. My HDL (the good stuff) is good, so it may be the case that my body just makes too much. My doctor warned me that it could be genetic, it could be related to the HELLP syndrome, there are loads of possibilities. 

While I was prepared for a statin, I was not prepared for a weight loss drug. I'd entertained talking to my doctor about it, but I wanted to try again one more time by myself. I was surprised that I was given Adipex-P. It's a stimulant appetite suppressor. I'd already seen what Phentermine could do.  I saw a post a couple of months ago from Xiaxue on Instagram and she'd used it and looked amazing. Of course as I've got a larger stature so I do not expect to get down as tiny as she did, I would just like to get where I was right after high school, around 120 to 130 pounds. My body looked good when I was around that weight. I looked healthy. I saw a review on GoodRX and the man said he lost around 25lbs in a month and a half. that's half of what I want to lose! Another woman said it curbed her sugar cravings, which isn't much of an issue for me since I do not really crave sugar. 

  

The picture on the left was in 2005, right after I'd moved back to where I live. I had quit a job as a server where I was on my feet 12 to 14 hours a day plus my usual workout routine. On the right is me in I do believe 2010. I was deep in an eating disorder and around a size 2. 

I wanted to find another recent picture to go with the one above, but I cannot find any similar. That was taken by my sister in law at Joey's fourth birthday party. I look like the bloody penguin. 

 

So today is my first day on Adipex-P and I don't feel bad, but I don't feel like I could take on the world, either. It feels similar to the effects of ephedrine. My heart is beating a bit faster than normal, and I have loads of energy. It's currently 10:41AM as I write this and generally by now I'd be having a midmorning snack after eating breakfast at 7:30. I'm not hungry. At all. My mind is telling me to eat because it is our routine, but I don't feel the actual hunger like I usually would. I'm slightly jittery like I'd be after several cups of coffee, something else I skipped this morning. The only side effect I'm feeling so far is thirst. This was on the list of possible side effects so I knew to expect it and I'm combatting it with more water than I'd ordinarily drink. 

In addition to Adipex I'm trying Noom. So far I like it. I've seen people complain about how little calories that one is given (around 1200 seems to be the base for everyone), but as you move and it calculates your movement and exercise they add a half a calorie back for every one that you burn. Yesterday my allotment was around 1500 calories. That's not much different from what I eat usually anyway. My regular diet fits well into their stoplight system of red for foods to avoid, yellow for eat sparingly, and green for the good things like veggies, fruits and whole grains. I still eat some of the red foods, I'm not going to lie. For me, Noom is helping to keep track of what foods I eat so I can evaluate my overall diet. It's got some great psychological lessons and an extensive collection of recipes. It's also helping me realize how inactive I can be, and it gives me a daily step goal. I find it hard to get that goal in while I'm at home all day doing coursework and raising Joey so I do my best to do an evening walk. I'm at about a mile right now, but I'd like to eventually walk several each evening. It's been 12 days and I've lost 5lbs with Noom, but the scale has stopped going down. My doctor said she did Noom too and really liked it, so we shall see how the next seven months go. I paid for a seven month period and I'm sticking to it. 

I get to go back in four weeks to see if I've lost any weight and to check its effects on my heart. She said the most she would put me on this is three months, and if I can't lose enough weight to get my cholesterol in check in three months I don't know what I'd do. I'm not super big, but I'm also not small. I'm at an awkward in between and it sucks. I just want to feel good about my body again. I worry about slipping back into old habits (excessive calorie counting and overexercising while under eating, etc). I worry that the medicine may react with my Lexapro that I take for anxiety and land me in the hospital with serotonin syndrome (when your body has an overabundance of serotonin). I worry that it may not work. 

If you've stuck with me, thank you. It's been a hard and long journey and I am not ready to throw in the towel yet. 

Brit Lit and Making Chickens Pay

It's week two of Modern British Literature and so far I adore my professor and the class in general. We have to do research projects and since race and colonialism is one of the subjects in literature that fascinates me, that is the one I chose. We are being divided up into groups of our choosing and so far there are only three of us in that group, and as it looks currently I'm the only white one in the group. I hope to learn some different perspectives from my group members. The Gender and Sexuality group was so popular it looks like the professor had to move some people out of it and close it to new members. I almost chose that one, I just don't find the subject as intriguing as I do this. Last semester I wrote my final paper in Lit Theory about cultural identity and Nadine Gordimer's South Africa and since then I've found the concept super intriguing, particularly from the perspective of a person like Gordimer who was born and raised in South Africa, who was separated from the land of her parents and saw herself as South African, not as British or Lithuanian as her parents were. Seriously, if you get a chance to read her work it's amazingly worth it. 

This week I've got my readings on Imperialism to do, plus some Virginia Woolf and Joseph Conrad readings, plus more to read in The Good Soldier. I have to do some annotations in my Imperialism and race readings, as well as write a mini-report so the other students in the class who are in other groups can get an idea of what we are working on. I'm sure we will have to comment on at least one other person's work. There are four or five people in the class that I know from other classes so I know I will get to read some amazing perspectives and ideas. There are some brilliant people that I have the joy of sharing my UCF experience with. 

Outside of all of the reading I'm doing I am also doing my best to keep my little flock of chickens. I never thought I'd be a chicken lady, but what started as two has ended up ten so here we are. 

That is the strangest of the bunch. Her name is What the Fuck, or What the Fork if Joey is outside with us. She's darling. Well, I think it's a she. I didn't get a good look at her wings in the three or four day window after she hatched so I probably won't know until she's at least three months old. I've taken her as my baby and refuse to sell her like I will the others. 

This was from several days ago. Sadly the third little black chick perished after getting squashed by one of the larger chickens, so as soon as we have more money we will be building what amounts to a little chick nursery so that won't happen again. 

Cleo and Cuquin have been excellent mothers. Maripi won't lay on her eggs so we get at least one egg a day from her that goes directly into the fridge just in the instance that it is fertilized. I doubt it, she's meaner than sin and won't let our rooster Tete near her without trying to peck his eyes out. 

Tete is also quite mean, which I expected for a rooster. The only person who can handle him is the woman we got him from, a friend of ours and experienced chicken lady. Once the others get a little older we will be giving them to her for selling. 

That teeny yellow one in the image may be what's called a frizzle. Their feathers are what is best described as curly. My boyfriend named her Snoop, because she's a frizzle my nizzle. (Yes, he really said that last night when he told me her name). 

Silkies are a load of fun and have more personality than I thought a chicken would have. They are also really easy to care for. Their eggs are tiny (you need two to equal a standard egg) but they are super flavorful. Nothing beats a yard egg. 

We have the remnants of Tropical Storm or whatever it was Elsa dropping loads of rain and yuck on us today. Last night it stayed so chilly that we were able to sleep with the windows open. It's like the Pacific Northwest got our weather while we got theirs. Sleeping with windows open is practically unheard of this far south in the month of June. I'm mainly worried for my garden, particularly my Rosemary that I've babied since I got it at the beginning of the pandemic. It was originally in a pot, and now it's outside and at least three feet tall. I'm thinking of propagating it just in case it does get destroyed during a storm. Thankfully my green thumb has finally decided to appear. I've got a window garden to rival my outdoor garden. Who knew that being a green witch would be my thing? 

On the anxiety front I am doing better going out. I was able to go to Family Dollar and Publix last week without medication, and the week before that I went to Aldi unmedicated. I've learned that I have to go when I want to, and when I feel forced to it's when the anxiety really happens. I wanted to go to those places and push myself, therefore I was able to go without any issue. Agoraphobia is a beast that I'm determined to defeat! I'm trying to surround myself with positivity. I have a 10 Minutes Planner that I use each day to plan my day and record my successes and failures. I'm making sure to make space for mindfulness and reading for pleasure. One day I will have my shit together. 

Spring In the Bag, Summer Underway

While I didn't think I was going to do it, I managed to complete my first semester at UCF with top marks!

Summer semester has kept me so busy that I don't know how I'm still alive. Summer A has been a grammar class. I think it's harder as a native speaker having to learn grammar this late, and relearn a lot to be frank. It's been very intense with multiple deadlines per week. It's a 12/14 week class jammed into six weeks, so the intensity is something I expected going in. The professor is amazing! So far everyone in the UCF English department that I've had the pleasure of working with has been fantastic. 

My Roman Empire class leaves very much to be desired. Unlike the Grammar class, there is only one deadline for everything for this course. To be frank, it's as if someone told me "hey, read this cool book about Rome!". That's it. Read some. Take a quiz. Write this paper. All quiz questions will be recycled on the tests. Most of the things he says will be posted aren't (such as videos to help cement the material) and I'm teaching myself. Thank goodness for youtube and it's many offerings on history. The only reason I'm not as mad as I should be is because it's given me time to focus on my tougher class. 

Summer B starts next week and I will be taking Modern British Literature. For that I know I have two short novels to read and a pretty decent sized textbook. I know I will enjoy that one; I've skimmed over the textbook and read some selections from some of my more favored authors.

The goal for this week is to survive my Grammar final. That's all I want. Hoping for a high C, low B if possible. I highly doubt an A is in the cards at this point. Passing with a C is the goal. 

I've really changed up my studying routine and found things that have helped, so I may post about those eventually. I feel like I've streamlined the process and have found a method that works for me. 

I really miss blogging as much as I used to. 

Semester One: Half Way Mark

This semester has been so eventful. I've done loads of reading, learned to do green screen filming, learned how to make stronger essays, and have decided that I want to take on a minor as well as my English Lit major. I've made a load of friends, so much so that one of my classes feels more like family than just a class. I really hope to keep in touch with them after this is over. 

I've thrived since I've returned. My anxiety isn't near as high as I'm always doing something with my mind or my hands. Who has time for anxiety when you're busy?

My group's second film presentation was today and we had tech difficulties last night. Like bad difficulties. Everyone came together that could and we turned it out. No word on a grade yet but it sounds like the professor loved it and we made a covid safe group presentation that will make the other groups have to raise the bar super high to surpass us. 

As of right now all my marks are still tops, but we are only half way there so who knows how this could go. 

I've been trying to up my skincare game and have tried loads of new things, mainly from YesStyle. They introduced me to the brand Purito and I've enjoyed their cleansers and creams. I've also really enjoyed using Secret Key products. With all of the skincare gods powers combined, I don't look like I spend 99% of my time behind a computer or buried in a book. ( For a discount, and to give me a little commission as a broke college student, use code PETITEFEET79. ) Fenty foundation takes care of the rest. Believe the hype, Rih-Rih did not play when she made this line. The powder foundation is full coverage and worth every single penny, and that's the T. 

I feel optimistic for the first time in quite a while. I don't feel like I'm stuck in a rut anymore. I really like what I'm doing and have a solid plan for what I want to do in the future. Well, at least I know I want to take the Chaucer class this summer to satisfy my single author focus class. 

I'd forgotten what it's like to live primarily on tofu and Red Bull. 

On the agoraphobia/anxiety front, I've done much better. I've been going to the store periodically, with and without medicine. Walmart still gives me problems and I had a minor panic attack there earlier this week, but I think it's because I was there without my own choice. I usually keep a set schedule or a set itinerary when I leave the house. I'm a control freak and have no doubt that the lack of control is a trigger for my anxiety. Anyway, I made it through and did my shopping without any other problem. That was the only problem I've had this week, and it was with my meds in my system. How or why it happened, it doesn't matter. All that matters is I made it through!

Fingers crossed that the rest of the semester goes just as well. 

Thanks for reading!

It's 2021!

It seems that we managed to survive 2020!

It was definitely a year unlike any other I've experienced. 

While it didn't effect me as hard as it did others, I'm grateful for what I did learn over the course of the year. 

Starting in early March of last year we started a garden. Sadly the only thing it really produced was a very small harvest of black beans and more jalapeño peppers than I knew what to do with. Either way, it was an excellent learning experience for me and my family. We definitely learned to plant earlier and to follow the guidelines on packets of seeds. I also learned to plant cat nip in a pallet if you have cats because they will destroy your cat nip by rolling in it like a goober. If it's in the pallet the cat can't reach the bottom of the plant and destroy it. 

I also expanded my bread making skill by learning to make enriched yeast buns and flour tortillas. Tortillas were a hit, the buns weren't. I need to figure out the proper recipe for the buns so I can make them actually taste right. 

To wrap up this cottagecore/homestead thing I've got going on I also got some chickens. A friend of mine breeds silky chickens and gave two of them to Joey since he loved their chickens so much. Long story short he's lost interest, as I expected him to do, and I've now become a chicken lady that Googles chicken enrichment activities. 

I've also enrolled in uni! Starting next week I'll be attending UCF online worsting toward my BA in English Literature. What will I do with this degree? I've no idea. I just felt the need for forward movement, something I haven't really felt since 2014 when I fell ill. 

That is my 2020 in a nutshell. Lots of dirt and soil under my nails, chickens cuddled (yes - I cuddle my chicks), and uni preparations. 

Let's tackle 2021!